Pokemon Journey in a Nutshell

This is a spoof by Eevee~ Enjoy! :D

Begin
Narrator: In a peaceful, quiet little town called Pallet Town, everything was-

Mother: GET OUT OF MY HOUSEEE!

Red: WHY!?

Narrator: everything was-

Mother: *throws Red outside* BECAUSE WHEN PEOPLE ARE TEN THEY GET THROWN OUT OF THEIR HOUSES AND GO GET MAULED BY WILD ANIMALS!

Red: HOW IS THAT EVEN LEGIT!?

Mother: I DON'T KNOW

Narrator: -EVERYTHING WAS-

Mother: NOW LEAVE BEFORE I GET MY BLENDER! D:<

''Narrator: ...ah, forget it. Just-just continue.''

Red: Oh shiz D:

Mother: NAO LEAVE

Red: FINE.

Mother: OKAY.

Red: YEAH.

Mother: GOOD.

Red: I'M LEAVING NOW.

Mother: OKAY BYE *slams door*

Red: Okay, now to go into Route 1! *heads to Route 1*

???: Wait!

Red: *turns* What?

Professor Oak: It's unsafe to go into grass! Wild Pokemon that you can easily see hide there!

Red: If I can see them, then why-

Oak: Becuase logic, that's why, so TO THE LAB! *Batman transition*

IN THE LAB

Blue: I HAVE BEEN WAITING HERE FOR THREE F***ING HOURS.

Oak: THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN AT YOUR HOUSE.

Blue: DAISY THREATENED TO MURDER ME IF I DIDN'T LEAVE.

Oak: WHO THE HECK IS DAISY

Blue: ...really.

Oak: Anywayyyyy~ ^v^ See the Pokemon capsule thingies on the table in the back?

Red and Blue: Yes.

Oak: Well choose one of those. :D Red, you can choose first.

Blue: Wait, so you let someone you basically just met get a Pokemon before the person you've known for nine flipping years?

Oak: YEEEP

Blue: -_-

Red: I'll take... *picks up Charmander's Pokeball* this one.

Blue: Then I'll be an a**hole  clever and choose the one strong to it. *picks up Squirtle's Pokeball* c:<

Red: *facepalm* I hate you. *walks toward le exit*

Blue: First battle you have no choice *sends out Squirtle*

Red: FINE *sends out Charmander* USE SCRATCH

Charmander: *uses Scratch*

(attack gets a critical hit and knocks Squirtle down to half HP)

Blue: THAT DID NOTHING. USE TAIL WHIP.

Squirtle: *uses Tail Whip*

(Chamander dodges)

Charmander: *puts on shades* CHARMANDER CHARCHAR (YOUR ATTEMPT TO LOWER MY STAT HAS FAILED)

Red: Scratch again~

Charmander: *uses Scratch*

(Squirtle is knocked down to red HP)

Blue: USE POUND

Squirtle: *uses Pound, but misses*

Blue: OH SH-

Charmander: *uses le Scratch and K.O.s Squirtle*

Blue: FUUUUUUUUUUU- *tableflip*

Red: *returns Charmander and slowly backs away*

OUTSIDE

Red: That was weird. Oh well. NOW to Route-

Oak: WAIT

Red: -WHAT.

Oak: Pick up a parcel from that one city please~

Red: Can't you walk through the grass yourself?

Oak: No. No I can't.

Red: *facepalm* Fine.

IN THAT ONE CITY

Red: HOLY MEW A FREAKING SHINY AND I HAD NOTHING TO CATCH IT IN WHYYYYY *goes into PokeMart*

Clerk: WELCOME TO WALMART POKEMART. WOULD YOU LIKE A FREE COUPON THAT IS YEARS EXPIRED? :D

Red: No, I'm just here to-

Clerk: PICK UP A PARCEL FOR PROFESSOR OAK? OKAY! *throws a parcel at Red*

Red: *catches* Thanks...? What's in this anyway?

Clerk: I dunno. Maybe radioactive waste? :3

Red: ...what the-

BACK IN PALLET TOWN

Red: HERE'S YOUR RADIOACTIVE WASTE, OAK.

Oak: *singing Radioactive in a very off-tone manner* I'M, RADIOACTIVE, RADIOACTIIIIIIIVE!

Red: *throws the parcel at him and runs back to Route 1*

BACK IN ROUTE 1

Red: Not creepy at all... ANYWAY.

(steps into the 'tall' grass, and battle music starts)

Red: What the-

Wild Rattata: WTF ARE YOU DOING IN MY PATCH OF GRASS GTFO

Red: *blinks*

(THE WILD RATTATA FLED!)

Red: Well then ._.

(steps into another patch of grass, and more battle music starts)

Different Wild Rattata: :O

Red: *sends out Charmander*

Charmander: *puts on shades and uses Scratch*

Wild Rattata: *uses Tail Whip*

Charmander: *blinks, then uses Scratch*

Wild Rattata: *uses Tail Whip*

Red: *throws Pokeball*

Wild Rattata: *growls in anger, then goes into Pokeball*

Pokeball: *shakes once, twice, three times*

Red: *picks up Pokeball* Cool~

LATER, IN VIRIDIAN

Red: *heads to battle the Gym Leader; sees a note on the door*

Note: Hello, challenger! I see you are here to battle Giovanni, the Gym Leader of Viridian. Well, he is not here right no, so f**k off and head on to the next city! --That one guy that stands by the doors waiting

Red: ...ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS!?

Note: YES. NOW GO AWAY.

Red: *eye twitch, then backs away slowly*

-tbc-